7 Ways to a Healthy and Happy Relationship

Here's just a little primer of 7 signs of a healthy relationship.

1.  Mutual Respect

 If you don't have this - well, it's going to be a tough road.  This doesn't mean you agree with everything your partner says or does.   It does mean that you have admiration for each other, and steady undercurrent of love and trust throughout your relationship. You also have each other's back.

John Gottman, a pioneer in studying couples and marriage, could tell within minutes whether a couple was in it for the long haul or if they weren't going to make it - with startling accuracy.  How could he tell?  If there were any signs of contempt in the couple's interaction with each other, the relationship usually didn't make it.  

Abuse, whether it is physical, verbal, or emotional, defies mutual respect in every way, shape and form.  You have to have mutual respect to have a healthy relationship. 

2.  Arguing, Not Fighting

I've never seen a healthy couple that doesn't argue.  They never fight, however - they argue.  If a couple comes into my office and tells me they've never argued, something isn't quite right.

You can argue without fighting.  Arguing is non-combative - you and your partner state your points of view without name-calling or raising your voice.  Sometimes you agree to disagree - and that's okay.   Figure out what your "non-negotiables" are - the things that you will not budge on.  Now rethink that list.  I like the saying "You can either be right, or married."  Hopefully you and your partner's values (see #6 below) match up pretty well - that makes things much easier!

I'll do another post on how to have a healthy argument.

3.  Agreement on Sex

You're both okay with how often you have sex, how you have sex, where you have sex...and there's mutual participation.  Sex is not withheld as a punishment.  And if you or your partner are not comfortable with an aspect of your sex life, you can talk about it openly, without criticism.

You also find time to have sex.  I don't care how busy or tired the two of you are - there isalways time for sex.

4.  Agreement on Parenting

There are bascially three main styles of parenting:

a) Authoritarian: The rules are the rules are the rules.  No exceptions.

b) Authoritative: This is what I refer to as a "Benevolent Dictatorship".  There are rules, and kids can give their input, but the parents have the final say.

c) Lenient or "Lassiez-faire": There are minimal rules. 

If the two of you don't agree on a parenting style, you need to talk.  Also, if you differ on whether your children should be spanked or not - you need to talk. 

You may have each grown up with different parenting styles - and we each tend to parent the same way we were parented.  If you don't have kids yet but are thinking about it, you must, must, must have this conversation with your partner.

People can change their personality styles.  A lot of that depends on # 6 (below).

5.  Equality with Money

Even if one of you makes more money than the other,  you both have an equal say about where your money goes.  There are no "hidden accounts", and you decide together before you make large purchases. 

If you are the one in charge of the bill paying, you pay the bills on time.  Period.  If you can't pay the bills on time, turn over that job to your partner or hire someone to do it for you. 

You decide on separate accounts if sharing a joint account is getting too complicated or frustrating.  Does that hurt the intimacy of a relationship?  No, it actually helps your intimacy.  You are no longer fighting about money.

6.  Common Goals and Values

Couples with very different interests can have healthy relationships - what counts is that they share common goals and values.  Couples of different religions (or non-religion) and cultural backgrounds can have healthy relationships - what makes a healthy relationship is sharing core beliefs.  You may both share the belief that giving back to your community is important. You may both share the belief that extended family members are welcome to live with you at any time.   Values and beliefs differ for everyone.

Common goals include intangibles like raising happy and healthy children, and tangibles like saving up for a house.  You can work together on setting one-year, five-year, even ten- and twenty-year goals.  Working towards something together strengthens your bond.

7.  Fun

"Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat." - Joanne Woodward

Enough said.  Make time to have fun.  Life gets too serious without receiving regular doses of humor.

10 WAYS TO LIVE LIFE LIKE A TODDLER

We can break it down to TEN things that every toddler does. And if we as adults remember these 10 ways to live – maybe our lives would be happier, easier and even more fun!

1. TODDLERS ARE TOUGH: They fall. They get hurt. They pick themselves up. They brush off. And they keep going! As adults, we stumble and fall – maybe not physically, but emotionally. If we remember to be like a toddler, maybe we can be tough too! And when we get hurt, we can pick ourselves up, brush up and keep going just like them.

2. TODDLERS FORGIVE QUICKLY: No matter what you do, a toddler will still love you. You can mess up. You can make really bad mistakes. But a toddler doesn’t hold grudges.

3. TODDLERS SOAK IT ALL IN: They love new adventures and they love to see new things. They love to explore and they don’t ever take a minute for granted. Maybe as adults, we can take the time to soak it in. Soak in every minute. Soak in the little things in life that we often times look over. Soak in family time. Soak in time with friends. Soak in the sun and soak in the rain.

4. TODDLERS LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERYDAY: After they soak it in, they keep it and they learn it. They are little sponges that listen and really put it in their little brains. We are never too old to learn. As adults, we can learn daily by reading, studying and listening. Even as a mom, we can even learn things FROM our toddlers!

5. TODDLERS BELLY LAUGH: There isn’t a better sound in the world than a child’s belly laugh. That laugh that is real. That laugh that screams pure joy. That laugh that is contagious! When was the last time you had a real laugh? Those laughs that make your stomach hurt or cry… or pee. Belly laugh – and don’t hold back.

6. TODDLERS FOCUS ON WHAT THEY HAVE: Not on what they don’t have. They are happy with what you give them and normally are easy to please. As adults we can focus on our blessings. So often we get tied up into the things we wish we had or things that would be nice to have. Jeff Dixon said, “Sometimes we focus so much on what we don’t have, that we fail to see, appreciate and use what we DO have.”

7. TODDLERS ARE FLEXIBLE: They go with the flow and will stand by you wherever you go. No matter what life brings them, they figure it out and carry on. Sometimes as adults when our plan A doesn’t work out, we have a hard time changing our plans. We can learn from toddlers to keep going and to keep trying – that everything works out.

8. TODDLERS GET EXCITED TO SEE FAMILY AND FRIENDS: Toddlers are often times the first person to greet someone at the door. They get excited when daddy comes home or when they get to see mom after a long day. Their hugs tell you that you were missed. As adults, we can remember what is most important are the people around us.

9. TODDLERS DON’T TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY: Everything is fun for a toddler – and they can find joy anywhere they go. At the grocery store? They just want to run around. At church? They just want to run around. At home? They just want to run around. They have energy and know how to have a good time. Sometimes as we get older, life gets so serious and all about our check-lists and things to do. As we strive to be more like a toddler, we can have more fun and make better memories!

10. TODDLERS LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY: They love their moms. They love their dads. They love their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. They love their neighbors and they love their friends. They don’t judge or try to be mean. They don’t hate or talk mean about others. They LOVE. And so can we.

THE BEST ADVICE FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE

1. NEVER FORGET THAT YOU ARE A TEAM: The moment you say “I DO” – you are promising to be a team! Not a, “You do 50% and I will put in my 50%” kind of team – it is a 100% from him and a 100% from you, kind of team. Team mates work together. They support each other. They compliment each other. They help each other feel good about themselves. In a team, one is not over the other – they are equal.

2. HIS FAMILY IS NOW YOUR FAMILY: When you get married, two families unite. Make a list of your favorite things about your family and your favorite things about his family – and make your own family! Make sure you spend time with his family and try to form relationships with his parents and siblings. You are one of “them” now – so find your role and play your part.

3. EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES: You will make mistakes. Your husband will make mistakes. We are human and we aren’t perfect. Know though, that even if he makes a mistake – it isn’t the end of the world. Just like every other guy on the planet, he isn’t perfect… and that is okay! In fact, maybe it was his imperfections that made you fall in love with him in the first place. “We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person, perfectly.”

4. FORGIVENESS IS KEY: So… about those mistakes and imperfections – how do we get over them? Forgiveness. Sometimes it is easier said than done, but forgiveness is vital in a marriage. In order to continue progressing together and falling more in love – you must communicate and forgive. Let him know that something is bothering you, talk about it and find a solution. We have learned it is better to just get it off our chests when it happens, rather than keep it in and hold a grudge.

5. CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES: If the cap is always off the toothpaste… should you say something? If the toilet paper roll is never replaced… should you say something? If the dishes aren’t done EXACTLY how you would like them to be done… should you say something? I don’t think there is anything wrong with acknowledging it, but be careful how you word it. I actually learned this the hard way.

I love doing the dishes and I like them to be done a specific way… but one day my husband came up ahead of me and did them. Instead of thanking him, I got upset because they weren’t done how I would like them to be done. Dumbest mistake EVER!! That was so nice of him to help – and what a SILLY thing for me to get upset about. Before you bite his head off, think about if it is REALLY worth it.

6. LAUGHING IS CONTAGIOUS: It is so important in marriage to have FUN! You HAVE to laugh. You HAVE to. It isn’t even a question. A couple that laughs together, stays together! Don’t take things too seriously.

We have a family motto. We actually made it up right when we got married and it is “DBD.” Can anyone guess what that might stand for? It means: DON’T BE DUMB. Not in a mean way – but like, don’t be dumb and get upset over silly things. And don’t be dumb and make bad choices. And don’t be dumb and say mean things. This motto has helped us and we even have it on our entertainment center so we can see it every day.

Don’t forget to have FUN! Don’t forget to date. Don’t forget to play and take some time just for the two of you. Don’t forget to smile. Don’t forget to make each other laugh.

7. CHANGES WILL COME: In my article, The Changes A Baby Brings, you can read all about what kinds of changes I am talking about here. BUT – a baby isn’t the only thing that can bring a change in your marriage. You may move. You may find a new job. You may pick up a new hobby. You may meet new friends. We all change – and that is a good thing. We should always be progressing and becoming better individuals, but I would like to emphasize that these changes and growing matters – should be together as a couple. You should grow together….as a team.

Set goals as a family and work to achieve them. We always love having a little project that we work on together. We find it brings us closer together as we do our parts in achieving our accomplishments. Your love will grow stronger as you spend time together work 

8. WORDS HURT TOO: You know the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” I am here to say…. that words do hurt. In fact, when they come from a spouse, your very best friend, your eternal companion – they hurt even worse. Think before you speak.

My mom always reminded me growing up, “Kindness begins with me.” As a married woman now, I always try to remember that. Let us be kind to our spouses. Let us say uplifting and positive things to each other.

9. BE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER: We always used the phrase, “BFF” growing up – and you can actually really be BFF {Best Friends Forever} with your spouse! I have 10 Ways To Stay Best Friends With Your Husband here that might give you some guidelines.

I remember on my Honeymoon – I had a little “wife moment.” I looked at my new husband and just stared at him {he thought I was crazy}! It hit me at a random second, while driving along the shore in Maui that I was on vacation, alone, with my HUSBAND! It was just me and him! There was nobody else on this earth that I would have rather been with at that moment. We should always remember that. You marry your best friend and he should stay your best friend.

10. NEVER GIVE UP: Last, but certainly not least is to NEVER give up. Not on him. Not on you. Not on your marriage. When hard times come {and they will!} stay close together through spending time together, praying together, laughing together, forgiving together and just BEING together.

Think about what is most important in your life – it is probably your family, yes? Make sure they are your priority and never give up on them. I love the quote by Thomas S. Monson, “What is most important almost always involves the people around us.”

I know that life isn’t perfect and hard times will come. BUT I do know that love can last, if we focus on what matters most.

ing on something you both want to be successful at.

 

10 SIMPLE STEPS TO BECOME A BETTER WIFE

Have you ever had one of those days where it seems like your husband is doing EVERYTHING wrong?

Maybe he didn’t react the way you wanted him to when you told him the gossip about your friends or family drama. Maybe you felt like he didn’t kiss you like he meant it when he walked in the door from work. Maybe he didn’t do the dishes exactly how you wanted him to. And of course – maybe he didn’t tell you how AMAZING you looked in your new outfit that you just bought.

I have had days like these. I think as wives, we all have. And if you haven’t had a day like this – it is probably coming. Sometimes as women, we know exactly how we want our husbands to be or react in certain situations. But guess what? Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen. Men think a lot differently than women and what might be SUPER important to you, may be the LAST thing on his mind.

Often times in marriage, we find our comfort zones. The wife does her thing – the husband does his thing – and everything is fine. BUT – what if you feel like your marriage needs a little spice? What if you feel like your love needs to be rekindled? What if you need something to change because he just isn’t acting exactly the way you want him to?

When this happens, we tend to make a long list of things HE needs to fix. In fact, sometimes the list comes easy. “I want him to compliment me more.” “I want him to kiss me and mean it.” “I want him to say I love you sweeter.”

There is a quote – “If you want something to change, YOU have to do something different.” Notice the word – YOU. It isn’t if you want something to change, SOMEONE ELSE has to do something different or your HUSBAND has to do something different. If YOU want change – YOU be the change.

Many times we want our spouse to change, to make our marriage better. But – It isn’t always up to the men to change. Sometimes the change needs to come from us – the women! 

Here are 10 Simple Steps To Become A Better Wife – to help your marriage grow stronger and for you to see that change you are needing.

1. SET YOUR PRIORITIES: And set them correctly. Above all, your husband should be your number one priority. Our lives are super busy as women, but make sure you set some time every single day to spend with your man.

2. BE INTERESTED IN HIS INTERESTS: Make a list of things that you know he LOVES to do and jump in it with him. If he likes to play basketball – go shoot some hoops with him. If he likes to work out – go to the gym or go on a run with him. He will LOVE that you love what he loves.

3. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF: In order to take care of another person {your husband}, you MUST take care of yourself. Set goals for yourself. Take a shower or warm bath. Eat healthy and exercise. Do something that makes you laugh every single day. When we take care of ourselves, we are happier, which in return reflects on how we treat our men.

4. SHOW APPRECIATION: You will be surprised how much of a change can come, by just saying “thank you.” Show him that you appreciate what he does on a daily basis. Show him that you are grateful that he works hard to provide for your family. Let him know that you are proud of him for everything he does.

5. PLAN A ROMANTIC SURPRISE: Get a babysitter and surprise him! Make sure the romance doesn’t die in your relationship. Everyone loves to feel loved. Show him that by taking him on a romantic evening, just the two of you.

6. LET HIM HAVE “GUY TIME” : Sometimes guys just need to be GUYS! They need to play those video games and get their workout on. They need to hang with the buddies and go play sports. If we are too controlling and don’t let them have their “them” time – they will be unhappy. Use that time for yourself too! While he does his guy thing, you go do a girl thing! That is a great time to do something you love too – it is a win win!

7. TELL HIM HIS STRENGTHS: Every guys wants to be complimented. Tell him what he is good at and how great he looks. Boost his little ego some more – that’s what a wife is for!

8. BE HIS TROPHY WIFE: Look good for him! This is another thing we tend to get “comfortable” with – our appearance. I am not saying you have to look flawless and fancy when he walks in the door every day. By all means – sometimes I look a LITTLE homeless by the time he comes home.  But dress up when you go out. Touch up your make-up and look presentable for him every now and then, when he walks in the door. Make him feel PROUD that YOU are his wife and that he gets to come home to you every day.

9. PRAY FOR HIM: A couple that prays together, stays together. Take a few moments every day and pray for him. You can pray for him quietly in your heart or out loud as a couple so he can hear you. He will love to hear your concern for him and that you truly want to be the best wife for him.

10. BE HAPPY: When he walks in the door tonight, have a smile on your face. Instead of having a laundry list of things for him to do – be happy and positive. Nobody wants to come home to someone who is miserable – be enthusiastic and make him smile EVERY day.

The Secrets of Happy Families

When I asked couples [in the Happy Families Survey] about the factors that mattered most in families, I provided several options but also left room for people to write in answers. The most common write-in vote was communication. Or, in the words of forty-five-year-old Dikendra: "Communication, communication, communication and, of course, communication. Oh, let’s not forget the most important: communication." Think she was trying to tell me something? Of course, many of the adults in the survey were describing general communication within the family. I’m on board with that. But if you can’t learn good communication styles as a couple, you’ll have a hard time imparting them to your offspring.

What Exactly Is Communication?
You may be thinking, If so many people wrote in "communication," why wasn’t it one of the survey choices? It is simply because communication has too many different definitions, and offering the simple word "communication" on a multiple-choice survey might have resulted in misleading conclusions. Many people think "talking to each other" means communication, and it does. But how come when I tell my wife, "Of course I’d love to go T. J. Maxx with you, honey!" she gets upset with me? Because she knows I really don’t want to go to the store, and she can hear it in my tone. So I guess tone is also another way to communicate. Spoken words, verbal tone, and written messages are all ways of communicating. In fact, the form of communication with the greatest impact is in what we say—without a word.

Communicating Without Words

I first saw examples of powerful "nonverbal couple talk" early in my life while watching my hands-down-favorite TV show, Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom. Yeah, now you know I’m ancient, but I like to think that my advanced age gives me perspective. Anyway, back in the 1960s, every week the host introduced me to new animal species whose members very often had fascinating ways of relating to each other. Usually it involved sticking their noses in some body cavity, but depending on the animal, it could include ramming heads, showing off colorful plumage, or picking through the other’s hair for little bugs. There was no doubt in my mind that these animals were connecting with each other through their actions in a far more direct and intimate way than they would even if they did possess the power of speech.

Which brings me to human animals. Humans are rare among animals in that their main mode of connecting is through verbal interactions: e-mails, phone calls, letters, songs, and heart-to-heart conversations that continue well into the night. And they are the only species to commit their speech to the written word. So it’s natural to think that communication = words. But it ain’t necessarily so.

Take it from a guy who makes his living by asking couples to talk about their relationships: just because someone is uncomfortable using words to express feelings and needs, even joy and appreciation, doesn’t mean that the person isn’t communicating.

Although men and women may not show their feelings by ramming heads or showing off colorful plumage, they sure can communicate profound feelings through their actions rather than their words. How? To borrow a line from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, let me count the ways:

1. Holding hands
2. Giving back rubs and neck rubs
3. Looking at each other from across the room
4. Crying in a partner’s arms
5. Letting a partner cry in his or her arms
6. Buying gifts or sending cards
7. Taking the spider out of the living room while the other stands on the sofa with her (or his!) eyes screwed shut
8. Offering a coat or jacket to help warm up a partner
9. Having a cup of hot chocolate ready when a partner comes in from shoveling the walk

These examples of nonverbal language are endearing ones that we all need to use more often and need to be on the lookout for when they’re used by our mates. But nonverbal communication is not always the language of love. Scowling at your mate’s social faux pas, pacing by the door waiting for your partner to pick out just the right outfit for a simple dinner out, and looking the other way when he or she tries to get your attention are also all forms of communication.

I’m sure you already know that these negative forms of communication are a lot less beneficial to the health of your relationship than the positive ones. In fact, they can be downright destructive—even to your physical health. Researchers found that "negative marital interactions," including nonverbal clues like eye-rolling, lead to decreases in immune function. In fact, James Coan, a neuroscientist from the University of Virginia, concludes, "How often someone rolls their eyes at you can predict how often you need to go to the doctor."

Dr. John Gottman has used his "Love Lab" to quantitatively assess what happens in marriage, and finds that couples continuously send each other "bids" all the time (both verbal and nonverbal)—up to a hundred times over a simple dinner. The bid may be any spoken statement ranging from "You’re cute!" to "When did the gardener come?" And it can be a nonverbal statement, such as a sigh, a downtrodden look, or a raised eyebrow. Simply put, a bid is an effort to draw the other person into a connection. It’s the first step in communication.

How a person responds to a bid is one way of determining the quality of the relationship. Husbands in stable relationships ignore 19 percent of their wives’ bids; husbands headed for divorce ignore them 82 percent of the time. Women tend to be better at responding to bids, ignoring only 14 percent if they’re likely to stay married and 50 percent if they are headed for divorce.

So to strengthen your family life today, focus on your patterns of nonverbal communication with your partner. Keep count of how many positive signals you send versus the negative ones. Assuming that you’re shooting for the ideal five-to-one ratio of positive gestures (smiling, laughing, giving high-fives or "bumps," and nodding agreement) to negative (ignoring, sneering, eye-rolling, glazed-over expression), the result of one day’s tally will give you a good idea of where you stand on the communication issue—regardless of whether or not you sit down to have those heart-to-hearts.

The 10 Secrets of Happy Couples

They might be 30, or 75. They come in all colors, shapes, sizes and income brackets. It doesn’t matter how long they’ve been together. Whatever the demographics, when you see a happy couple, you just know it!

How do these couples stay in love, in good times and in bad? Fortunately, the answer isn’t through luck or chance. As a result of hard work and commitment, they figure out the importance of the following relationship “musts.” Because few couples know about all of the musts, I think of them as the relationship “secrets.”

Happy Couples and Their Secrets

1. Develop a realistic view of committed relationships.

Recognize that the crazy infatuation you experienced when your romance was new won’t last. A deeper, richer relationship, and one that should still include romance, will replace it. A long-term relationship has ups and downs, and expecting it will be all sunny and roses all the time is unrealistic.

2. Work on the relationship.

An untended garden develops weeds that can ultimately kill even the heartiest plants. And so it is with relationships. It is important to address problems and misunderstandings immediately. Some people believe good relationships just happen naturally. The truth is that a good relationship, like anything you want to succeed in life, must be worked on and tended to on a regular basis. Neglect the relationship, and it will often go downhill.

3. Spend time together.

There is no substitute for shared quality time. When you make a point of being together, without kids, pets and other interruptions, you will form a bond that will get you through life’s rough spots. Time spent together should be doing a shared activity, not just watching television.

4. Make room for “separateness.”

Perhaps going against conventional wisdom, spending time apart is also an important component of a happy relationship. It is healthy to have some separate interests and activities and to come back to the relationship refreshed and ready to share your experiences. Missing your partner helps remind you how important he or she is to you.

5. Make the most of your differences.

Stop and think: What most attracted you to your partner at the beginning? I’ll almost guarantee that it was exactly the thing that drives you most insane today. Take a fresh look at these differences. Try to focus on their positive aspects and find an appreciation for those exact things that make the two of you different from one another. It’s likely that your differences balance one another out and make you a great team.

6. Don’t expect your partner to change; but at the same time give them more of what they want.

If both you and your partner stop trying to change each other, you will eliminate the source of most of your arguments. At the same time, each of you should focus on giving one another more of what you know the other person wants, even if it doesn’t come naturally. For instance, instead of complaining how your partner never cleans out the dishwasher, try just doing it yourself once in awhile without complaint. Your partner will likely notice your effort and make more of an effort themselves around the house. If you do both of these things at once you’ve got a winning plan!

7. Accept that some problems can’t be solved.

There may be issues upon which you cannot agree. Rather than expending wasted energy, agree to disagree, and attempt to compromise or to work around the issue. Two people cannot spend years together without having legitimate areas of disagreement. The test of a happy relationship is how they choose to work through such issues — through compromise, change, or finding it’s just not that important to stew over.

8. Communicate!

Lack of communication is the number one reason even good relationships fail. And here is a useful format for doing so, especially when dealing with incendiary topics: Listen to your partner’s position, without interrupting him or her. Just listen. When he or she is finished, summarize what you heard him or her say. If you can, empathize with your significant other even though you don’t agree. This will take your partner off of the defensive, and make it easier for them to hear your thoughts and feelings. It’s hard to argue when you use this format, and best of all, you may come up with an understanding or a solution.

9. Honesty is essential.

You may share with your partner the things he or she doesn’t want to hear. Better this than to have him or her doubt your honesty. Mistrust is one of the key deal breakers in relationships. And once trust is lost or broken, it can take a very long time to re-establish it in the relationship.The happiest couples are the ones where honesty is as natural and every day as breathing.

10. Respect your partner, and don’t take him or her for granted.

Treating your sweetheart with respect is likely to get you the same in return. And regularly reminding them how much they mean to you will enrich your relationship in indescribable ways. When you say, “I love you,” pause for a moment to really mean it. And don’t be afraid to express your feelings of appreciation with your partner — he or she will be thankful that you did.

Making these secrets an integral part of your relationship won’t be easy. In fact, your efforts may initially seem like planted seeds that never come up. If you maintain your efforts, however, you will likely reap what you sow

Keys to a Happy Marriage

A happy marriage can be a bit hard to find. However, it doesn't have to be that way. There are many ways to make sure you remain as much in love with your spouse as when you first got married. Here are just a few suggestions:

1) Spend private time together. Make a date at least once a week to do something as a couple. Take a walk, play a game of cards, see a movie or go to the zoo. Just spend time with just the two of you, and get to know each other all over again.

2) Spend time apart. Taking time for yourself to do the things that interest you will make you happier and more fulfilled, therefore making you easier to live with and more interesting to your spouse.

3) Be spontaneous. The detours you take in life can bring fun, excitement and adventure, and are easy to implement. For example, skip church once in a while, and sleep in. Going to the zoo, but see a beach on the way? Stop and take a romantic walk together. Try to do at least one spontaneous activity together per week, and you'll be amazed at the new life your marriage has.
4) Have a journal in a prominent place. Write each other love notes about anything, including what you love about each other, memories of your first date, or a thank-you for completed chores or tasks.

5) Don't fight in front of other people. It embarrasses you both and undermines your relationship. It also may prevent you from being completely honest. If issues come up while company is present, either go into a separate room to talk, or agree to discuss the issues later.

6) Touch. Remember in the early stages of your relationship when you couldn't keep your hands off of one another? Do that again, and marvel at how good it feels.

7) Listen. Talk to one another about everything and nothing. Ask about your spouse's day, and listen to the answers. Ask how your spouse feels, and tell him/her how you feel. Respect each other's comments. Make sure you understand what is being said by clarifying statements.

8) Don't insult or make fun of your spouse's relatives or friends. Even if it's just in fun, these comments can hurt your spouse and your relationship.

9) Don't go to bed angry. Although there may be times when sleep is more important than making up, try to go to bed on a good note by saying something like, "I'm still angry about this issue, but I'm tired and want to go to sleep. I'd like to talk about this later. I still love you. I will always love you, and I'm glad we are married."

10) Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. For example, if he is late getting home, assume that he is stuck in traffic and cannot get to a phone, not that he is merely being inconsiderate.
11) Remember the big picture. If your spouse irritates you, think, "Is this going to matter in a few hours? Do I really want to make a major issue out of this, or is this something I can live with?"

10 Little Ways To Show Your Husband You Care

Before I even start the list, I will state the obvious; every woman already knows what to do to make her husband happy, at least for a short time. I am including it just so the men don’t feel cheated or think that I don’t understand what they really, really want. Make his favorite dinner occasionally. Bring him a beer when he’s watching the game. Take off your clothes. Anytime is fine.

1. Let him know you are his biggest fan. Tell him how great he is, how much you appreciate the little things he does to help you (no matter how small), and how much he’s loved. I am not suggesting you lie. If you are not his biggest fan, you should be!

2. It is best to avoid asking questions such as “What are you thinking about, honey?” Men hate this because they know they will get themselves into trouble if they tell you what they were really thinking. Or they can't remember.

3. Always speak highly of him to others. Don’t call up your best friend to tell her about his latest stupid mistake.

4. Don’t cut him down. It may be tempting to tell him exactly what you think of him during an argument, but hold your tongue. Deep down, somewhere, you love this man, and shredding him to bits will only make the situation worse. Don’t remind him of his weaknesses at every opportunity. Most men are fully aware of their weaknesses and do not need reminding.

5. Be quick to apologize for snapping at him when you are tired and cranky.

6. Listen to what he has to say. This may include topics that you neither understand nor care to be enlightened about, such as the rules of fantasy football or a comparison of programming codes.

7. Although it is widely believed that men are dogs, don’t treat him like one. Don’t attempt to keep him on a short leash, or even long chain. I know the idea of a shock collar (as used in dog training) is appealing, but really, he’s a big boy now.

8. Appreciate who he is and don’t try to change him. You knew who he was when you married him. Trying to make him into something different is: A. a waste of your time because it will not work and B. just annoying. He was flawless in your eyes when you first met. Is he really not good enough now? I know, you have grown and changed and expanded. Let him appreciate you, but stay the same.

9. Encourage his hobbies, even if you aren’t fond of them. My husband loves motorcycles. People are always saying things like “I can’t believe your wife let you have a bike” and “How could you let him do that?” Let him? That’s not how it is supposed to work. He is my husband, not my child. Yes, I worry. I ask him call to check in. I also love to see the smile on his face when returns safely from a nice long ride.

10. Don’t make fun of his team, even if they always lose. It is likely that your husband has been programmed since birth to be a fan of a particular sports team. This rule additionally applies to Star Trek and Star Wars fans. If your husband is still a fan of the band KISS, then you have permission to go wild with abuse

Save Your Marriages!

We all believe that when we stand with our loved ones and say `I do` we will live happily ever after. Sadly, that is very often not the case. Not only is the divorce rate soaring, but the length of marriages is shortening.

A marriage on the rocks doesn`t necessarily have to end up in the divorce courts. With effort from both parties, even the most fragile marriage can not only be saved, but take on a whole new lease of life. The first step is to be honest with each other, if you are unhappy your partner needs to know why. They aren`t psychic, and if they have done something wrong, they need to know what it is before they can fix it.

There maybe no specific thing and it could be an accumulation of events that have left you both in this turmoil. Again, communication is vital. Maybe your friends or relatives` calling in at all times of day and night is really starting to annoy your partner, or vice versa. This is easily solved, you have time with them and time with your partner. Friends and family have been known to ruin many a marriage, don`t let them ruin yours! This is the family home and you all have the right to come home and relax without a barrage of visitors, so resolve this problem before it gets any worse.

If one partner has a drink or drug problem, the other has a big dilemma. Providing the problem doesn`t result in violence of any kind, you can save this marriage. If you love them and want to support them, don`t make yourself into a martyr, you would expect them to do the same if it was you wouldn`t you? If the problem is escalating and the whole family is being badly affected, that`s a whole different ball game, but if this is an occasional weakness that isn`t hurting anyone but them, you can save this marriage.

Infidelity from either side is very hard to deal with, and the reason many of us throw in the towel and start divorce proceedings. There is an old adage `once a cheater, always a cheater`, but before you do anything hear them out. This may open a whole can of worms and you may hear things that you don`t like, but honesty is vital and at least then you can make an informed decision and not rush into something you may later regret.

If there is no specific reason for you considering divorce, again don`t rush into anything. How long have you felt like this? How do you feel when you look at your partner? Sit down and think how you would feel if your partner wasn`t there anymore. Consider all the little things that you used to love about them, do you still love them or are they just infuriating now? Divorce is a very painful and very final experience to go through, and should never be rushed into. By keeping the lines of communication open and discussing things honestly and openly a lot of divorces could be avoided. Inevitably, some marriages will run their course and result in divorce, but if your marriage can be saved, do your best not to become just another statistic.